I'm back. For the last few months I would open this page and stare at it and then close it down thinking that I needed to wait till I have more information...but today. Well, I'm sick of waiting. So much to say and too much time has gone by. I'll catch up quickly so I can get on with my life...here and in reality.
The nodule on my right kidney was cancer. It wasn't overly large, thankfully, and had not spread- as far as they know. The did have to remove my entire kidney because of where the tumor was located, but I am considered cancer free and I don't have to go back for one year!!! The surgery was not as bad a some of my former surgeries due to the smaller size of the incision, but it bothered me more mentally. I really miss my kidney. Strange. I felt lost, incomplete...worried that I would need it and not have it. I still feel the loss and really don't know why.
This was my first 'bout with cancer and hopefully my last. When I had part of my lung removed 30+ years ago, we were worried that it was cancer, but it wasn't. It was a scare.
Life is full of "scares." There are times when you get a smidgen of information and if you're like me you tend to jump to possibilities instead of just putting the information on a shelf until you get the whole story.
Well, I've been sitting on part of a story all summer and here it is October and I'm still waiting. We're still trying to find out about the nodule in my left lung. The insurance company won't let the CAT scan be repeated until one year has passed...the doctors wanted to recheck in 3 months. So I wait. Pulmonary function tests show restrictive lung disease...new disease that I haven't heard of before...My primary doctor is now sending me to a pulmonologist. In the meantime, I can't go up a flight of stairs without losing my breath...is that from pulmonary hypertension or "restrictive lung disease".... Doctor says stop half way up stairs...or whenever I lose breath and rest for 30 seconds...then continue....
I worry sometimes that the nodule is cancer. I worry that it is a primary tumor or even a metastasis of the kidney tumor..even though that is unlikely due to the size of the kidney tumor. But I also know that cancer is unpredictable. I worry that the nodule could be another adenoma like I had 30 years ago...especially since there is some atelectasis with it. I just want to know what it is so I can either stop thinking about it or just get rid of it. I want to be able to breath easy again....I don't like feeling uneasy. I don't think I'm scared, I just don't like the waiting around...not knowing. I hope by the end of the week to at least feel like I'm doing more than sitting around waiting.
