Spring 2011

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A Journey

My children are very wise. They have exceptional talents in various different veins....I love talking and sharing with them. They offer so much and enrich my life as well as all the lives they touch. One thing they do is hold a mirror up to me.

I have always been proud of being an optimistic person. Even when times were tough, I would look for the silver lining. But... I carried this to a fault, living in denial of all that was right in front of me. When I finally opened my eyes and saw the truth, I over reacted. The pendulum swung in the totally opposite direction. For the last 10 years I've been wallowing in the negative and focusing on all that is wrong in my life. Even though I knew better, I couldn't see that I was doing that. I kept telling myself I was "being realistic."



Heidi

Well, a couple weeks ago, Heidi said something to me that has been germinating. She said that I needed to stop focusing on the parts of my health that were troublesome (not her word) and start focusing the good things. At first, I was so sure she was wrong. The reality is ...I am diabetic, have COPD, heart disease, arthritis, the biggy: obesity. My body is a mess...where was the positive? Well, the universe also spoke the very next day: I get a daily message from Hazelton on my e-mail. I almost canceled it cause I've just ignored or skimmed it lately...but this time I read it:

We must not expect that the solution to our problem will bring us immediate peace of mind. Focusing our energies and emotions on the answer- not the problem- will, however, alleviate much of the futility and frustration we feel. A medical doctor, George S. Stevenson, wrote, " The solution may not give you everything you want. Sometimes it may give you nothing but a chance to start all over again."

So, I'm starting over, with hope and perserverence. I need to regain control of my health, as much as I can. I had basically given up, assuming that there was little I could do and feeling hopeless, helpless and old. Now, I know, I can improve my situation and give myself a better quality to my life. I want to use this blog to record this journey... I'm not looking back, I'm only living one day at a time as I move toward a better future. Thank you Heidi for holding up the mirror at a time when I was ready to look. Love you!

Today is the first day of the journey...as a teacher, I have summer vacation to look forward to. This year, the focus of my vacation will be the return of health! With a strong start like that, I should...no I WILL be able to continue through the school year and the winter and all the stress that goes with that time of year.

Both my girls, Heather and Heidi, have alway been health conscious. They eat well and exercise. I will look to them for inspiration and support. My friends at work are also battling the effects of stress, so I hope to work with them to help make our workplace more supportive of our health efforts.

I'm posting a "before" picture...oh boy. Am I brave enough for this...I have to be!

I couldn't figure out how to post a picture from Shutterfly into my post...but figured out how to post it to blogger...so you see me in all my glory without a caption. Expect updates regularly and cheer me on! I need all the help I can get!

Happy Mother's Day

Well, it's been almost a year since I've posted. I gave up on myself, I guess. Isn't that sad? It's a bad habit I have. I start something new, get all excited, jump in with both feet, get wet, or tired, or bored.... or scared. Lose steam, doubt myself, give up... get depressed. stop.




That is not a good habit for anyone. So, I'm back. You won't see me everyday, mind you!

(It is the end of the school year and it gets really crazy with meeting, deadlines, etc.) But I'm not going to drop it like I did.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. I don't know how I feel about it anymore. I loved Mother's Day until I lost my Mom. I have to stop looking at the sad parts of life and wallow in the happiness. I had the best Mom in the world, I should be remembering THAT on Mother's Day and not feel sorry for myself for the loss of her from my life.

That's my Mom up there with the big smile. I figured out, she was 46 years old in this picture. We were at the airport terminal at Yokota AFB in Japan, waiting for our flight to leave Japan. It was not a happy time, we were all hating the prospect of leaving. But she was smiling because she strongly believed in putting on a brave face and not showing "everyone" your pain. That's what she taught me and my sister. Actually, not the healthiest way to handle adversity, but it is what it is.

So, while I am enjoying my day tomorrow with my beautiful daughters, my handsome son-in-law, my grandchildren and their other grandparents... I will also be spending the day with my Mom. I miss you, Mommy. I'll always be your little girl, Thank you for being the best Mom in the world...and in Heaven.